when will it end?

i was just thinking while sitting on my couch this morning, i wonder if people are deliberately trying to refuse to give me the resources i need to sleep fully, so i'm rested and i don't have a seizure and/or feel lightheaded when i'm walking. my stupid cpap isn't working at all AND i haven't had concerta in at least 3 weeks (my grandma used to make sure i ALWAYS had my concerta when she was alive CAN'T DEPEND ON AMANDA TO CARE LIKE THAT- she can't even assist me in the way she told my grandma she would). ah well- if a seizure doesn't kill me, then maybe i'll stop breathing while sleeping (which i've been told my a lot of people i tend to do while sleeping). JUST A MATTER OF TIME!